


hang in there

by ioverheardthis



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M, getting close to the end of crisis core
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:43:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9954272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioverheardthis/pseuds/ioverheardthis
Summary: Traveling with someone who has Mako poisoning is difficult, but Cloud Strife is an extraordinary man.





	

**Author's Note:**

> listening to some songs from the Crisis Core soundtrack while reading is an experience. just a tip. and/or, [[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pirbXK5jlDQ)] and [[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZYyL9jmUU0&t=5285s)]

It wasn’t anything new for Cloud to wake up in the middle of the night, or at least, “wake up” as much as someone with Mako poisoning can. Today had been one of Cloud’s more responsive days, and responsive days were always followed up by bad dreams at night. I guess his mind works up a slow pace to alertness all day, and then he’s too aware of the trauma he’s endured to sleep dreamlessly.

I found us some shelter from the rain in a broken down van parked on the side of the road we had been travelling. Just in time too: the light rain had started to turn into a storm just as I closed the van’s door.

Right now, we’re cramped up in the backseat together—I crawled back here once Cloud had started whimpering.

“Shhhh… it’s okay; I’m here,” I croon, sitting close to the subconscious boy and holding him to my chest. The truth is, I sometimes doubt if Cloud really knows I’m here and it breaks my heart. It’s comforting when he looks at me or responds to my touches, but I don’t know how much he’s actually aware. Maybe he knows at some points like today - he _was_ really responsive - and then he drifts back into his own delusional mind and forgets. “I know, Cloudy, I know... I get them too. I know you’re scared... but it’s okay. I’m here. I’ll keep you safe. Shhh-hhh-hhh... easy… it’s okay...”

I start swaying when Cloud’s keening and whimpering gets louder. The sound just rips my heart out, and it’s all I can do to not cry myself. At least he’s actually making noise tonight, though. Some nights when he has nightmares, he doesn’t make enough noise to wake me up but I can tell the next morning that he hasn’t slept: his eyes get wide and almost unblinking, and I can feel there’s something off about him. Well, at least something more wrong than usual. On nights like these, though, he makes small, choked off noises of fear and anguish as a result from whatever traumatic event he’s reliving through his dreams. It’s terrible and heartbreaking but I know I have to stay strong for him.

“Wake up, Cloud. C’mon…” I whisper, not trusting my voice; I’m about to cry and he doesn’t need to hear that. “It’s not real. You’re safe with me… No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

I pull his limp body onto my lap and hold him tighter, willing him to just _feel_ and know that someone who cares deeply about him is here. His little cries start to die down when he settles against my chest, and I’ll take whatever solace I can get from that; maybe he does know I’m here, or at least senses there’s a non-threatening presence here.

“Now…” I hum, petting his hair and cradling his head close to me, making him a little space in the crook of my neck and shoulder.

I lean back and look out the van’s windshield to watch the rain slide down the glass as Cloud calms down. I murmur reassurances to him whenever his breath hitches, kissing his hairline a few times. I rub his arms, scratch his back, rock him, hum a little—anything to get him to calm down. I think it works, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

When Cloud goes completely lax against me, I pull back to look at his face. His eyes are dull but dry, and I use my thumb to wipe away any fallen tears from his cheeks before wiping his nose with my forearm.

The rain pounds a bit harder on the van and Cloud whimpers slightly again, but he seems a little less shaken. I want to say he seems okay... but…

“You thirsty?” I ask, not really expecting an answer. “Need some water? I’ll get you some, hang on.”

I gently deposit him back onto the bench seat before leaning up to the front to grab our canteen. Cissnei had left a bag in the bike she gave me, and over the months, I’ve slowly accumulated supplies to carry with us.

I pull my leg up and sit on it so I can turn to Cloud. “Alright, open up.” I gently coax his mouth open with my thumb before tilting his head back slightly to rest against the bench and pressing the canteen to his lips. I carefully pour a bit of water into his mouth and he closes it again. “C’mon, Cloud. You gotta swallow it,” I mutter, using my free hand to massage his throat and encourage him to swallow.

His throat works against my hand when he finally swallows the water, then he lets out a little whine and scrunches his eyes shut in what looks like disappointment; he probably thought I was feeding him.

“I know, sweetheart…” I lament, returning the canteen to the bag up front after taking a drink myself. “I know you’re hungry... I am too. I’ll find us some food tomorrow.”

Cloud’s eyes are slightly open again when I look at him, dull and almost lifeless in the dim light from the streetlamps along the road. However, he manages to focus on me when I settle back into the seat.

“We’ll be alright, huh? Until morning?” I say, lifting my hand and gently brush my fingers through his hair. Then my smile fades. “I hope you know I’m not trying to starve you,” I mutter, trying to joke but I can’t find it in me anymore. I brush my fingers through his hair again, lingering on the back on his neck this time and rubbing soothing circles there. “I hope you know I’m trying my best here.” Before I can help it, my breath hitches and tears sting my eyes. I pull him close again and kiss the top of his head. “I just want you to know so badly... I’m tryin’, Cloudy. I’d give you anything if I could. I’m not those people… I’m trying to take care of you.”

Cloud makes a soft noise and I feel his fingers twitch against my thigh. That’s enough to get me to grin, and I lay my hand over his.

“Can you hear me?” I whisper, leaning my head against his. “I hope you can… I hope you know it's me here with you.”

Cloud makes that soft noise again and it’s like a hum of assurance. I grip his fingers and they twitch in my grasp.

“Yeah... you know, huh?” I say, sniffing.

Cloud’s fingers twitch one more time, and his head moves as if he’s trying to snuggle into me.

“You wanna try to get some more sleep?” I ask, smiling now. “It’s not like it’d be fun to travel on a motorcycle in the rain, anyway.”

Another hum, and I’m beaming now. That sound is probably more reassuring to me than Cloud intends, but to me, it’s proof that he’ll be alright... eventually. He can get his mind back to reality enough to answer me with a small sound. He’s strong, he’ll make it.

“Think we can both fit back here?” I ask, looking around the backseat. “It’s not _too small_ , but I’m not exactly as tiny as you.”

Truthfully, I was hoping Cloud would respond to my teasing like he used to, but I guess that’s too much to ask for tonight.

“Let’s try it,” I say. I shift him around, careful of his head and trying not to hurt his neck. It takes a lot of maneuvering, but I finally fit us both onto the bench seat. I’m partially laying over Cloud but hopefully he feels more protected than squashed—judging by his content sigh, I’d say the former.

I see that his eyes are still open and staring straightforward.

“Bedtime, Cloud,” I whisper to no response.

Mindful of his delicate eyes, I gently brush his eyelids closed. I knew he probably sleeps even when his eyes are open, but I like to think that this helps him relax. However, his eyes flutter back open and he looks up at me through his thick eyelashes.

“Yeah, I see you,” I croon, grinning, “but it’s bedtime now. Go to sleep.”

His eyes still stare unblinkingly up at me. I think that he might be trying to communicate something to me but he doesn’t show any other sign of life. His eyes are still blank as I search them, and after watching him for a few more moments, I brush his eyelids closed again.

“Are you making me close your eyes for you just to see if I will? I wouldn’t put it past you to test me,” I tease.

It might be a trick of the light, but I think he just smiled.

* * *

Keeping my promise to Cloud, I find us some food the next morning.

We travelled along the road for a couple miles before I veered off to a tiny strip of trees to hunt. I found that the woodland creatures who lived near the road weren’t so easily scared off, so I dropped a lot of my ideals about hunting and being sneaky. However, my ideal about hunting being absolutely terrible was proven true to me a few months ago, but it’s not like I always have the gil to buy us food.

Out here in the middle of nowhere, I felt it was safe to start a little fire to cook the meat I harvested. Besides, I think I’ve thrown the Turks off enough to rest for 20 minutes tops by a campfire.

The sound of birds and the crackingly fire is a nice change from either a motorcycle engine or complete silence.

“Hear the birds?” I ask Cloud conversationally as I tear some cooked meat up into tiny pieces, using the lid of a kettle I had stashed in our bag full of stolen supplies as a plate. The meat isn’t too hot for me to handle but I still bring it to my mouth to cool it for Cloud. “Oh! Those birds must be fighting—you hear ‘em squakin’?”

I know he can’t answer me, but he’s still my friend. Even if Cloud can’t talk, he still needs someone to talk to him. Maybe he can’t even understand me, but I still want him to hear a friendly voice.

I scoot closer to him until our knees touch. “Alright. Try this and see if you like it!”

I work my thumb between his teeth and his jaw relaxes enough that I can slide some food onto his tongue. I only have to coax his mouth open for a few more bites of food before he’s aware enough to open his mouth on his own.

I chuckle. “S’it good?” I wait a bit, watching him chew his food before continuing. “Well, good. I’m glad you like it.”

After a few more tiny bites, I give him a break. He still has basic instincts down like chewing but I still worry about him choking every time I feed him.

“D’you go back to sleep last night?” I ask, trying to keep him focused on reality so he doesn’t choke on his food.

There’s no answer but I notice him slowly twirling a blade of grass around his finger. I guess he’s still in reality enough to not choke, so I feed him some more.

“More, honey,” I announce and he opens his mouth again. “I hope this is a good source of calories and, uh... carbohydrates. We need that, but I dunno about squirrel meat.”

 

After I feed him the last few bites, I move on to eat mine quickly so we can get back on the road, but I notice his mouth is still open.

I immediately feel guilty, figuring that the few squirrels I managed to kill and the small amount of meat on them probably wasn’t enough.

“You still hungry?” I ask, tearing a bit of meat off the squirrels I left for myself. “Here, you can have some of mine.”

Instead of wordlessly accepting, Cloud closes his mouth before I can feed him more.

Confused, I furrow my eyebrows. I reach for his lips with my free hand to coax them apart, but he drops his head lower with a grunt of protest.

“Cloud, eat! I have more,” I say, concerned now. I reach for him again but he makes the same noise. “What’s wrong? You don’t want... it…?” I start, but then it clicks and I trail off.

Astonished, I stare at him, and then the realization startles a laugh out of me. “Y’know that I don’t mind to share with you, Cloud.”

Eyes screwed shut and head turned away from me, Cloud groans.

I can’t believe what I’m seeing. I’ve given him my food before, and I’ve never gotten this reaction out of him. This is the most alert Cloud has been since... well, in years, I guess.

I gaze at him for a few more moments, watching as he goes almost lifeless again as if that little reaction exhausted him—it probably did.

Before I can stop myself, I’m crying. My lip trembles and tears fall down my face as I just take in the beautiful boy next to me. I set the kettle lid to the side and scoot close enough to Cloud that I can lean him on my shoulder and wrap an arm around him.

“You have the sweetest heart,” I say in a shaky voice, looking up at the sky and trying to hold back the onslaught of tears while rubbing his arm.

It wasn’t like Cloud’s refusal to eat from my plate was the kindest gesture in the world, but coming from someone who has basically been comatose for months, who used what little energy he had to make sure that I get enough to eat means the world to me. It’s like he knows that I’m hungry too, and he's looking out for me just as much as I am for him. Suddenly, I don’t feel so alone anymore. I feel like I have my best friend back. I feel like he’s looking after me too; he can hear me, hear can understand me, he's aware enough to know what's going on.

I wrap my other arm around him and pull him into a proper hug.

“You beautiful boy,” I mutter into his hair, kissing him again. “We’re gonna get through this, Cloudy. I’m gonna find you some help. We’ll be alright. You know that, huh?”

Sniffing, I look down at him fondly. To my surprise, he's gazing back at me, looking almost concerned. It might be because I'm crying. Damn, this is why I don't want him to see me cry but at least it's a happy cry this time.

"I'm alright," I assure, wiping my eyes. "I'm not crying because I'm sad; I'm happy. It's okay."

I rest my head on top of Cloud's and he falls against me like checking up on me was the last sign of life he could muster. He's gone totally lifeless again, but that's okay; now I know he'll be back.

“Okay,” I huff, wiping my eyes again, “I'm gonna eat really fast, and then we can get back on the road.”

I straighten him back up but remain close enough that are shoulders are still touching.

 

I finish eating and retract the fire magic from the campfire. I clean up quickly; hiding any evidence we were here, kicking over the burnt wood and brushing away the ashes. Then I pick up and store away all our supplies into our bag before taking it back to the motorcycle.

When I come back for Cloud, he's still sitting up on his own, but he looks a little troubled. I don’t know if it’s because of the change in atmosphere after I put out the campfire, or maybe he really can sense my presence and couldn’t feel me around him.

“I’m here, Cloudy,” I announce, kneeling next to him. “Hey, babe? I’m just gonna carry you back to the bike, okay?” I say gently before touching him.

I’ve been scared to pick him up without warning since the time he freaked out on me, or at least, freaked out as much as a person with Mako poisoning could. I can remember the sounds of sheer terror he made when he realized he was being carried, and I’m gonna try my hardest to avoid ever causing that again.

“You look beat, so I’m just gonna carry you,” I reiterate for good measure before scooping him up. "I know you could probably manage walking back with me, but we've been here too long. I'm sorry."

I hold him protectively to my chest and try not to think about how much weight he’s lost when I feel how light he is. He falls right into place against me, his head propped against my uncovered shoulder.

“That reminds me: I gotta put our shoulder guards back on, huh?” I say as we head back to the motorcycle parked at the treeline. I usually take those off when we sleep, and we were in such a hurry to get out of that van before anyone found us this morning that I forgot. “We must be really on the run if I can’t remember to put our uniforms back on correctly. We’d get in trouble for not wearing proper armor if the higher-ups caught us. I’d take the blame, though.” I squeeze my arms around him tighter along with my words and he sighs. I smile—it’s almost as if he’s exasperated with me.

I set him down in the passenger car, and arrange his legs and neck in a way that looks comfortable. Then I take our shoulder guards and his gloves out of our supply bag and start putting them on.

“Give me your hands; I’ll put your gloves on,” I say gently, taking his cold hands into my own and holding each one for a few moments before sliding the leather glove on. The gloves are a bit too big, but I’m sure he doesn’t mind if it means he gets to wear a First Class uniform.

I lean back to admire my work with a grin. “There. Back in business!”

Cloud looks good in First Class uniform, apart from the fact that the black was such a stark contrast from his sheet-white skin. My smile starts to fade as I look at how pale he is—he’s actually been getting some color back, but by being alert for a day and a half now, he must have really tired himself out.

I sigh and crouch down next to the side-car to look him in the face. “We’re SOLDIERs, right? We’ll get through this.” I gently place my hands on either side of his head and kiss his hairline. I keep my lips pressed to his chilly skin for a few moments before I realize my mistake. I draw back a little, “well, you never made SOLDIER at all, huh? That’s alright.”

I adjust him in his seat again, trying to keep him in a comfortable, upright position.

“If I were in charge, you would’ve made First even faster than I did!” I continue, kissing him on the head again. “Not just because I love you, but because I can see how much potential you have.” I lean down and kiss both his cheeks, noting that his skin feels a bit clammy, “okay... maybe a little because I love you. But you do have potential!”

I can fill in the gaps where Cloud is silent; I know how this conversation would go if Cloud were coherent enough to argue. He would fuss about how I would be handing him promotions and how important it was for him to earn his spot in SOLDIER just like I did. I laugh at the thought.

I press my forehead to his reassuringly for just a few seconds before drawing away; we really do need to get moving.

I look down at him as I kick the motorcycle to life, smiling fondly. He may be lifeless most of the time, yet he still manages to lift my spirits in some way or another. He’s still fighting. He’s still that driven, passionate, kindhearted boy I met on top of a snowy mountain so many years ago. He still makes me smile even when I feel like I can’t anymore. He does all he can, even in his almost comatose state, to look out for me, so I’m gonna do all I can to take care of him.

I love him, and I’ll do anything to save him.

**Author's Note:**

> Anything.
> 
> <3 Thank you for reading.  
> I've really wanted to write about Zack and Cloud being on the run for a while now and about all that Zack had to do for Cloud while they were on the run - from things like feeding him to dressing him. I think that Zack is still proud to be SOLDIER as well, so he keeps up the mindset of being SOLDIER and that this is just a mission. I also wanted to write about how Cloud started to become more and more aware towards the end of Crisis Core instead of just suddenly shaking the Mako poisoning.  
> P.S. I have no idea about hunting and what it would take to cook meat, so I did the best I could. I think Zack would be able to figure it out.  
> Edit: I suggested the ambient noises because that's how I wrote this - listening to ambient sounds. It actually helped me stay focused and envision what I wanted to write, so I thought maybe it could help immerse you in the world if you listen while reading. But it's just a suggestion!


End file.
